It was supposed to be our 3rd year together. I thought we were strong enough. I thought I was strong enough to hold on. But I let go. I gave up. I gave us up. All for what? For freedom? No. It was never that. We were both suffocating from our relationship. Both having a hard time to adjust. And its taking its toll on us. I hate that. That nagging feeling that everything’s crumbling apart. Hay. I got you hurt. I got you looking at me with those pained eyes. And I know I hurt you so much still even after we broke up. I hope you really are doing better now. I feel worst. But its okay. I deserve all the pain I have to receive. All the suffering. I know its not enough. I miss you. I miss you so damn much. I love you. You know how real that love is. Even if it falters, or it kept us apart. My love will always be strong. You got a hold of this heart like no one ever could. And now its aching without youm I just have to be strong. I hope setting you free made you happier. Free from all the pain I caused. Free from your sufferings with me. You deserve better. You deserves to be loved better, treated better, better than I could ever do. I know today is painful. It is for me too. It was supposed to be 3 years of us. 36 months of us. But I left at 33. Sorry. I love you still. Thank you. Thank you for everything wonderful in my life. I miss you Camille. I really do. But I know, Goodbye. Please stay happy and safe. I know you can do it. You are a strong independent woman. And whereever you are right now in this lifetime, I’ll always be grateful for you. Until we see each other again. Keep safe, love.
Truth is, everytime I see you, every single time that I’m looking at you, and when I’m with you, damn it. Butterflies. I really can’t believe it myself. I thought it was just a simple infatuation, or a momentary sign of vulnerability, but no. Damn it. Everytime I say to myself, “Stop yourself, it won’t end well. She’s way out of your league.” But wtf am I doing, I’m always plunging straight for her. When I know, I’d only get hurt. I’m stopping every impulse, every thought, but just one smile from her. All resistance fall loose. I can’t admit to nyself how much I’m falling for her, for her smile, her temper, her weird swings, and her laugh. Her soul, so pure. I know I really don’t deserve this girl. But why can’t I stop mysef from being selfish. I just don’t understand. I really don’t.
I’m going to keep this to myself. Hide this away from you. To all of you. This is for your sake and mine. Cause I know what you’re gonna say, and I know, that even with all those denials, somehow you alreasy know the truth.
Karma has its way at getting to people who deserves her. One way or another, we always get what we deserved. It will always depend on our actions of how karmic retribution will be set upon. Life is filled with this, even science calla it the third law of motion. For every action, there is always an equal reaction. So be good. Not necessarily a saint, but be kind to everyone, even if they piss you off. That genuine little acts of kindness, keep doing that, saying “Thank you”, “Goodmorning”, “Have a nice day”, hold the door for someone, appreciate someone’s effort. That’s love. That’s what changes things. That’s what our world needs right now. So onstead of solving prpblems with bickering, hug it out and drink a beer with them, get to know each sides. Cause if we don’t start doing these things, who will?
Day 2 of Imprisonment.
2 days ago, I was diagnosed with German Measles. So I was like, “Fuck!” And now I with still 2 weeks to go, I have to endure the maddening boredom that struck me. So these coming days, I’ll be blogging about anything, random, obscure thoughts for the benefit of me. Well, if it benefits you, then hurrah. So there. A simple introduction.